Angry gays across the country have been sending me bombs and pitchforks in the mail with cards attached that read “USE ON YOURSELF” due to my lack of posting. I’m sorry! I got distracted (see; Netflix, drinking beer with my buddies, petting cat, etc). Leave it to Tenga to lure me out of my domestic cave and back into the world of sex-posure for your amusement. I read online that they were releasing a new and improved version of the Tenga Flip Hole White and Tenga Flip Hole Black, both of which I looooved. This one would work by creating a suction sensation versus the pressure control that the Flip Holes used, and hey I never complain whenever someone wants to suck on my dingy, so this is gonna be awesome right?!
Ok so I must admit, I am feeling a little like a hoarder. I’ve honestly never seen the show but I get the jist and when I look around my apartment I tug at my collar and hope nobody reports me to the producer. To think of all the money I wasted on a bedframe when I could have just strategically laid dildos end-to-end and built one. It would also lead itself to some interesting responses when people ask me about my sex life (“Well I sat on my bed at the wrong angle the other night and OH MY GOD GIRL LET ME TELL YOU..”). Upon completion of this post, I will have placed a square plank of wood atop my four Tenga Flip’s and eat breakfast off of it.
Anyway, back to the Tenga Flip Air White review…Like it’s brothers, the Tenga Flip Air is made of hypoallergenic elastomer which is ideal with water-based lubricants and can be cleaned with a mild anti-bacterial soap and warm water, then left open to air dry. Simple!
Jack off toys are relatively easy to use, as demonstrated by the Flip Air instructions below:
(note: that’s not mustard in step 2, but it does make you curious doesn’t it…)
Ok, great! Let’s get to jerkin’ then!
I opened the Flip Air so I could apply some of my favorite lube, the new girl in town Sliquid Organics Oceanic. I find with jerk off toys that the more lube you use, the better! I crammed my peter into the soft wet hole while holding the button down as instructed and then released, and got to work.
The events that follow are not for the weak of heart.
The Flip Air doesn’t so much as create a suction effect exactly, so much as it creates a vacuum. Or vortex. Have you ever fucked a vortex? Seriously; stick your dick in a black hole the next time you’re in the cosmos. Then take it out, and repeat the process. Tell me that isn’t some Satanic sounding BS. The amount of noise that this toy makes is insane! It literally sounds like the hounds of hell are slurping on your dick, and not in the good way. I mean maybe it would be hot if it weren’t just me and the cat in the room — and if you’ve never jerked off in front of a cat you are/aren’t missing something/anything. The saucer eyes of terror combined with the amount of noise that this toy was making was just too much for me to emotionally handle.
On top of the loud noise, the toy didn’t actually feel that great. I mean, don’t get me wrong — if your dick is wet and getting attention it’s not going to complain, but for the amount of money spent on this thing compared to the Flip Hole, I was pretty disappointed. I even tried adjusting the amount of suction by pressing the button on the side, and although the sensation changed it simply fluctuated between “Meh” and “It’s alright I guess…”
Sorry Tenga, it’s a miss. And my cat is now afraid of any quick hand gestures around my hip area, thanks for that. It’s not even my cat, I’m baby sitting it for a few months…
Tenga Flip Air White provided by The Pleasure Chest.